10 Tips for How to Handle Waiting for Military Orders without Losing Your Mind

Here we are again. It is another potential moving year, and we are waiting for military orders. These are my least favorite kind of years as a military spouse.

No matter how many times we do this, I still view it with a healthy dose of fear and trepidation. I have my reasons. We have lived all over the country. There have been orders that took forever to arrive, orders that changed at the last minute, and just plain old orders that I did not personally like. It’s always somethin’.

When we were young and more carefree, this felt so much more exciting than it does now. Now I look at it wearily and think, “Please don’t make me move.”

This is January as I write this. My husband is in the military, and his current assignment ends in mid-June. After that, he thinks his next tour might be in town. However, we do not know that for sure. Until you have orders, you never know. He was notified that announcements for his assignment will go out by the first of April. I only hope that is true.

As a military family of about twenty-two years, I have been here before. That doesn’t mean I like it.

I am going to share my best tips for getting through the phase of waiting for orders.

#1. Maybe you are desperate to do something productive while you wait to help with the possibility of moving. Start decluttering your belongings.

But don’t go too far.

This is oddly my favorite part. I take odd joy out of sorting through everything we own and hauling things out to Goodwill. It makes me feel like I am getting so much done.

Make a list of every room in your house, then go through the rooms one at a time, going through every drawer, cabinet, and shelf, until you have gotten rid of anything you do not use or do not love. If you don’t love it or use it, donate it.

If you never use it, but you truly love it, keep it. I believe in that for sure. There are some things that do not fit in your current house. However, you will probably have a new and different house in two years if you are a military spouse. Keep the things you love the most.

I have written numerous articles and made a whole YouTube series or two on decluttering. Feel free to check those out for inspiration.

#2. As soon as you have an idea about where you might be going, start researching the possibilities of the new place.

Of course, you may not know where you are going. If you have it narrowed down to two places, you will probably do a little research on both places.

You can join Facebook groups associated with the place, look over the base’s website, look up schools and any organizations you are interested in.

If you think your orders will be in the same place where you already live, research the possibilities of staying.

Look up the school calendar for where you are going (or staying).

Find out the school ratings. Don’t plan to throw your kids to a school that has a Great School ratings of 3 or below. Sometimes a school that has a rating of 5 might be better than a school with a rating of 9 for your kids. This has been my experience.

If a school is ranked highly, it is probably due to excellent test scores. Test scores do not translate to kind, welcoming children.

For military children, you cannot beat being at a school with lots of other military kids. Schools with a high military population are better at serving our children and teenagers. These kids are often more down to earth and better at talking to new people.

Sometimes schools further out from a military base are filled with kids who have not moved much. They have their friends, and they don’t need new ones. For elementary school, it won’t matter. Making friends in middle and high school is much harder these days. You want there to be other military kids at the school. I feel like I have stressed that enough, so we will move on.

#3. Obviously, don’t buy a house before you get orders. But you can research what neighborhoods are zoned for which schools to help narrow down your search as soon as you know where you might go.

There are many phases to waiting for orders. At first, you may not know anything. After a while, you might have it narrowed down to a few possibilities. Then one day the information just up and drops in your lap. That’s when you hit the “go” button on planning.

Unfortunately, orders usually arrive after you already know where you are going and there is that time in between. That is your time to do more research.

The Zillow app now has a feature where you can narrow down your house hunt by school zone. You can type in a specific school and only look at properties that fall in its district. This is insanely helpful.

Don’t waste too much time on this until you know where you are going though, as tempting as it may be.

#4. This time of waiting for orders, especially before you even know where you are going to go or if you will move at all, has the potential to stress paralyze you. Refuse to let that happen.

I can remember a solid two months of depression, January-March of 2019, waiting to find out where my husband would start his new job in MAY of 2019. I was plumb batty with anticipation. It was such a killer wait!

Then in 2022, I felt that moving-stress strain on my heart from about May through August. It felt like I could not unclench my body for months. Getting four older children through a move and downsizing was so much more stressful than those years when it was only Alan and me, exploring new places.

If you are the type of person who loves to plan, make charts, and organize, you are going to need to deploy some extra effective coping mechanisms.

I only know three ways to cope that seem to do me any good. Read tips five, six, and seven for these coping strategies.

Make room for fun in your life even more so than usual in years like this.

#5. While you wait for orders, take to walking. Walk out the stress.

Even if it is twenty degrees outside, which it will be sometimes, walk out the stress. You have to. This year I have instituted “Fridays in the park” with my dog. Every Friday we are walking in a different park.

I have three or four months of waiting for orders ahead of me. Even if we get in-town orders, we would like to buy a house nearby. Either way, we will probably move houses.

I don’t know why exactly walking helps. Maybe it is the time away from talking and screens. Plus, nature has healing powers, it does. Also, you can use this time to pray to God as you walk. Beg for help, strength, and wisdom and fast, good orders.

#6. Start every day with positivity.

Moving and waiting are some of the most stressful life things. It is going to be a mentally hard year. You don’t want to start every day reading bad news or social media. Gag!

I picked up a booklet on reading the Bible through in a year, and I am working on that in the mornings. First, I get my cup of coffee and help my kids get breakfast. Then I sit down on the sofa and read my Bible. If the boys are in the room with me, I read it out loud so we all can benefit.

This makes a world of difference on your mindset for the day! The news is usually bad, right? If you check Zillow first thing in the morning, that will make you crazy.

But if you start your day with a good devotional book or the Bible itself, it can shore you up with spiritual wisdom you need to power through your days.

#7. Have a funny show you can watch while you do household chores.

Funny t.v. shows have helped me through many a rough patch in life. Mundane tasks still must be done, whether you are waiting for huge news or not. What better way to pass the laundry time than with a good sitcom or drama? I also watch YouTube videos while I fold the clothes, but that is less exciting.

#8. Most important tip on this list: Live like you are not moving.

As a family constantly on the move, some people already shy away from us. We have people who do not want to get close to us because they know we will move, and they will end up sad too.

If you always live as though your current place does not matter to you, you will end up sort of drifting through life. Instead, treat your home as though it is your permanent home as much as you can.

Make plans (that are not expensive) for your summer right where you are. If there is a possibility you could be staying, act like you are staying. Stay involved in your community. Take the family out to local events, especially school events.

The moment you tell people around you that you are moving soon, they will begin to exclude you from their plans. “Well, no point in giving her this responsibility. She’s about to move.”

“I don’t know if you should add them to the invitation list. I think they are moving before June.”

We may not like it, but it is true.

But mostly, this is for your sanity. If you daydream about possible PCS destinations, spend all your time looking up houses you are not going to buy, and worry about moving, you will drive yourself nuts. Life will keep passing you by, and you will have accomplished nothing at all.

As much as you possibly can, live your life normally. Whatever you would do if you did not have orders, do that.

#9. If you think your military orders will be for a summer move, do not plan an expensive summer vacation until you know some hard facts to plan around.

We have done Disney World the summer of a move, so I am not saying you cannot take a vacation. However, I did not do any booking for our Disney World trip until we had orders and a solid plan for when our move-in date would be.

Movers are notoriously hard to plan around. They only have to tell you so much. Make sure any vacations are planned with a wide berth around those moving dates. Until you have a rough moving plan, you cannot book pricey vacations. (Besides, who has money? Moving is so expensive.)

#10. Look for other military families to bond with.

No one else in your world is going to understand what you are going through, waiting for orders, like a military family will.

Somehow, I only have one fellow Army wife I know at church at the moment. I need to have coffee with her.

Two moves ago when I was in this weird waiting phase, I remember having lunch with a fellow military wife. It was so comforting to talk to someone who understood.

Don’t burn your mil spouse bridges. Keep in touch with those rare folks who get your life. We only make up around 1% of the American population.

My best advice to sum it all up is to “Keep calm and carry on.”

It feels hard sometimes, especially if you think about it too much. Everyone hates uncertainty and waiting. We have to keep busy and distracted so we do not drive ourselves bonkers.

Your spiritual life is important to get you through this. We do not need negativity weighing us down. Dig into Proverbs of the Bible, pray, and find some positive influences to follow on social media.

Make a Pinterest board for your next duty station when you find out what it is, and pin all the information you find there. Eventually, those orders will come, and then you can run with it.

I feel like when the orders come, the pressure intensifies, and the move becomes your new part-time job. Try to enjoy doing fun things now before that new planning and moving job arrives at your feet!