The Whole Truth About Moving Stress & Anxiety

This is my whole truth about coping with moving stress. I am not doing an amazing job. No, I am not even doing a good job, not even a decent job.

In fact, let’s be real. I am at a fairly low point.

Notice I did not title this article “how to handle moving stress.” That was on purpose. I would have no business writing that.

Why am I so stressed? I don’t fully know.

As a whole, this move, which started out extremely shaky, is going MUCH better now. Finding a house was a nightmare. But that’s done. We have one.

Getting this house ready to sell felt like this enormous job, but we completed that too. We sold this house in a day.

The house appraised for the selling price, so that is not a problem. We are currently having zero problems with selling the house, getting a moving truck, and scheduling our big moving days.

Plus, we are not even moving to an unknown land, like we usually do. We are returning to one of our favorite places on the planet for the third time.

Happy, happy, happy.

So why do I feel so tense, so on edge?

Mainly, I can tell you, it boils down to about three different things.

1. Moving is unsettling by nature. We cannot just live like normal for this whole year. There are about a billion extra hurdles that we have to deal with. I hate hurdles. But these weeks surrounding the move are the most hard core. There are endless appointments and paperwork, and they all feel important.
2. I am worried about my high schoolers. The later they are registered for school, the less chance they have of getting the classes they want. This disadvantage comes up for them over and over, and it all boils down to our lifestyle, so then I have guilt. Also, school registrations when you are moving are hard. It is slow, it is painful, and it is hard. That’s a whole other story.
3. I feel uncertain about our future. My husband’s next job is not something I look forward to. His hours are long, and he gets to take overseas trips. I am happy for him. In fact, I’d love to stow away again in a suitcase. But I’m a little worried for me, frankly.
4. And then I worry about my poor children having to deal with Anxiety April. She’s not cool. You really don’t want to hang with Anxiety April.

And then also I’m disappointed in myself, for not being better at handling the moving stress.

This will not mean anything unless I put my heart into it. So I have to tell you the real story. I am telling you that my heart is glitchy, a little sad, running on adrenaline and insomnia, and wishing that xbox accounts, tablet parental controls that lock out the parent, and inability to work it all didn’t send me over the edge.

I wish that I were not the mom who does not realize how stressed out I am until I let all the little problems hanging over my head cause me to have stress/panic attack meltdowns. If you don’t know what a stress/panic attack meltdown is, you never had to live with me, and you are so lucky.

I wish I were not the person who wanted to spend an hour crying in the garage this morning.

But I could not cry in the garage for more than a couple of minutes because Daniel was having a friend over, and I needed to literally pull myself together and shower.

What does watching me and my inability to cope with life teach my children everyday? They see me sweating all the small things, and I don’t know how to change.

However, they also see that it is normal to have a hard time with things sometimes. At least I am not setting them up with unrealistically high expectations.

But I will say this for me.

I did pull myself together and shower. Everyone got fed all their meals, and I did all the things I meant to do today, every single one of them.

I survived, using my lists and sheer determination.

Of all the coping strategies I have, I guess only three of them are helpful: my lists, praying, and crying. They are all helpful. Absolutely.

Making the list was not enough today.

I was still a mental wreck. Even once I did the things on the list, it was still not enough to fully calm my uneasy spirit. It wasn’t.

It did make me feel a little big good that at least I had done all the things. The results weren’t always as good as I wanted, but I DID do all the things.

But then I still had another freak out when I saw Daniel pouring cold water into a hot greasy pan in the sink, sending smoke everywhere. He is cooking up a storm this summer, and if my spirit were at ease, I could enjoy this. Instead, it worries me. Geesh.

I have been such a Martha over moving this year.

Worse than ever. I am getting worse at this instead of better!

That’s a reference to the Bible story where Martha and Mary have Jesus over to their house, and Martha is running around fretting over all the things, and complaining that Mary is not doing her part. That’s me. I’m Martha here.

But Martha was distracted by all the preparations to be made. She came to Jesus and said, “Lord, do You not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Tell her to help me!”

 “Martha, Martha,” the Lord replied, “you are worried and upset about many things.  But only one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the good portion, and it will not be taken away from her.”…

~Jesus (Luke 10:40-42)

There has been little serene, sweet, sitting at the feet of Jesus time. It’s been more like frantic work time.

I have lost all emotional regulation, and yes, I have been weepy and throwing fits. What I could really use is a good Zoloft prescription, but I am not ready to go down to the doc and humble myself and ask for that. Well, I am sort of ready, but I’m afraid I couldn’t squeeze in the appointment time.

Solutions

Admitting you have a problem is the first step right? Hi, I’m April, and I have absolutely no chill.

Also, today I called all the boys into the living room. I apologized for the freak out I had earlier when my new phone would not work. Calmly, and rationally, we were able to discuss the next couple of weeks we are facing.

That was my first solution. Bring the family on board. No one can help me if they don’t know I’m drowning and don’t understand how to help or what to expect.

I explained that there won’t be three well balanced meals per day for a few weeks.

There will be cereal meals, sandwiches, Ramen noodle meals, frozen pizza, and things like that for lunch everyday. I explained that it won’t be forever, but just for the next few weeks.

I made a plan with Alan about the moving weeks, and he is taking off three days to make the actual moving truck days work.

Military spouses end up doing a ton of stuff all by ourselves, and that often makes me feel like a nervous wreck. It was too hard to get the kids down to the grandparents’ houses this year, so we are juggling four kids and movers. That is no joke.

Having both parents tag-teaming this makes a big difference. We have divided up our roles, and that is so reassuring.

Accepting help is a big deal too.

Take what you can get. Alan’s mom and her brother are heading up to help us unpack. Most of the days Alan will be at work, taking him out of the equation, so extra hands will be a huge help. Donna is the fastest unpacker I know. She seems to enjoy doing it too.

The difference it makes when someone sympathizes with you!

Someone at church yesterday was like, “Hey, April, I hear ya. It’s hard. Just breathe. It’s going to be okay.” It felt genuinely sympathetic and made me feel seen, and I cannot tell you how much I appreciated that.

Best of all for me: a cup of tea, a heart pill, and some blogging time

Mostly, it is so important to take a giant Martha break. Stop being Martha. Sit down with some calming things you love, and watch the Holy Spirit heal your broken spirit.

I’m having tea instead of my usual coffee because the last thing my frantic self needs is more caffeine at this time. Tea still has it, but tea is associated with calmness.

And the heart pill is just for me because I had cut out the morning dose for a while, but now I need it again, and I am having to remember to take it each morning. The beta blocker helps me not have arrhythmia, but it also helps me with my anxiety and handling the adrenaline that makes me so nuts.

The blogging time is my soul thing. My soul sings with joy over pouring thoughts out onto paper (or in this case, screen).

I need to spend more time like Mary, at the feet of Jesus, breathing in peace. This house may not look like peace, but that does not mean I cannot experience and promote peace, even in the middle of this.

“Now may the Lord of peace himself give you peace at all times in every way. The Lord be with you all.”

2 Thessalonians 3:16

****Update on the Moving Stress******

Last night I had another freak out moment when a child broke my sink at bedtime. You cannot make this stuff up. Break the sink right before closing, why not? Don’t worry. We will fix it. It’s not a water problem. It’s a stopper problem.

The kids have seen me not at my best, so I told the boys this morning at breakfast. “Mom is calm today. I am fine. Today I am not going to freak out no matter what happens.”

The movers called and wanted to change the moving dates and modify “The Plan.” You will be happy to know I am still not freaking out. I woke up not feeling like the Anxiety Queen today. Today I am okay, like actually okay.

God is with us, and it will be okay.